Your Relationship with Yourself is the Foundation for Everything

“Your relationship with yourself is the foundation for everything.” Having a good relationship with yourself gives you important for your own well-being and happiness. ... Having a good relationship with yourself improves your relationships with others.

What is really interesting about relationships is to think that we are born from the co-creation of two people, your mother and your father. These two polarities, two opposites, come together and then one lucky seed makes it through the 100 million to 1 odds and we are the 1 in million winner. You have already won the jackpot!!! 

We are born and raised in a family where there is a process where we as the baby learns how to connect and communicate. Research in social anthropology by Margaret Mead shows that if the baby does not get enough physical touch or connection it can actually die... of course this is an extreme example of what the lack of a relationship can do.

They have also discovered that when a child has a window in time where the ability to speak is being developed and outside this window it can present challenges... So, from that aspect - we are all cultivated into humans by our families, cultures, societies, countries, schools and teachers... all relationships.

Before we dive into understanding Relationships with Yourself and Others, we first need to understand where we come from and how it influences the relationships we have today and if they are not what we want or are not working for us, what we need to do to change that. But we need to understand why they are what they are before we can make that change.

Crystal Ra was born in Soviet Estonia and under Soviet Occupation where Christmas was not only not recognized but for those who celebrated it could find themselves in great trouble, Crystal did not know what Christmas really meant until Estonia in 1989, though a nonviolent Singing Revolution, took back their independence.

At the age of 6, her parents divorced and she moved in with her dad who moved in with his mom, Crystal's grandmother.

Crystal's sister stayed with the mother for some years until her mother's parental rights were taken as she left her outside in the cold winter day and was not at home when she got back from school.

Both of Crystal's parents were alcoholics which taught her tough survival mechanisms.

Do to circumstances in the time prior to Crystal Ra being adopting, her grandmother became very a strong and powerful independent woman who had raised 3 sons of her own, one of which she buried at a young age as he killed by a drunk driver.

Crystal's grandmother had never known what real love was. She had to marry after the second World War quickly to the first person who showed up and her love of her life died in the war...

So, Crystal learned early in her life, that in order to survive you should never count on men!! They get called away to war, or camps, die or are drunks. You have to fight for yourself and for your life. Do not trust anyone because you do not know who is who and what is their agenda. They are never there for you. Grandmother had become very protective of Crystal because of the world they lived in.

Growing up during the Soviet time was extra challenging as everything was very scarce, including food. Crystal did not know what a zucchini, burger, popcorn or even avocado was till like 2000 when she moved to Norway... So, you can imagine what kind of resilience, consistency and strength she built up during growing up in Estonia with her strong grandmother. 

Why are we sharing this story here?

Because we do not understand how much time and energy it takes to think about how we relate and how others relate to us and how it is often connected to where we have come from.

Imagine moving to a new country and getting negative feedback that you were not polite enough or were too direct in communication. If you had no idea there was any other way because back home this was how things were and you knew no different. You were not taught to say thank you for everything you got in your life or ask nicely with here you are or could you please ... You asked for it - directly - can I get it... and you got it - and that is it.

Crystal had her ah ha moment when she worked with a multi-millionaire in USA where he gave her an exercise to learn consideration for the time she had worked with him. This coming from someone who had reached that level of success had obviously made it by knowing what he was doing. This was the first time she really took it seriously. Funny thing is, her next visit home, back in Estonia, she was amused by the comments others made: one being, why are you so polite??? 

Cultures are like soil which cultivate us. Imagine traveling to 30 countries given you an understanding how different we all are and with consideration, caring and love how you will reach much further than just direct communication. 

Relationship with Yourself.

As you experience life whether it’s travel, education or personal growth, you may discover that there is a whole "inner world" within you. When you start to connect with all of it you may start to turn away from the need of the outside confirmation and realize you are good enough…

You may start to listen to your intuition (your inner feminine energies) and how to take better action (masculine energies) and how to make them both to cooperate. That is the where most of the results (manifestation) happens!

You may also learn how to be more playful and how to flow more in life (contact with your Inner Child, originally introduced to the world by the psychotherapist Carl Gustav Jung). When all of these elements came together, you’ll notice you will have less resistance, things become easier and life become more enjoyable. 

This is when magic starts to happen. The more you listen to your intuition, the more you may find yourself in the right place at the right time... Crystal as an anthropologist, she got very intrigued and curious and decided to look deeper into the matter and now helps others learn how to have better relationships with themselves.

Connecting to our "higher self" is also used widely in psychology and in the Hawaiian healing science called Huna. It is said to be connected to the real higher spiritual element of our whole being. 

After Crystals early travels to Hawaii, she can say she has personally experienced the magic of the Hawaiian Huna and she believes it’s because Hawaii is so far from everything.  That the potent energy there is super powerful and is overflowing with feminine energy, supported by the surrounding waters and lush nature. It’s impossible to go to Hawaii and not experience something magical even if you’re not completely connected to your intuition. It just happens of itself.

We believe that in order to make things happen on a bigger scale in our lives and to create more abundance, freedom, find the love of your life or whatever your desire is, you should start with a better relationship with yourself and your inner world and then move to the outer relationships.

What is really funny is that once you change inside, all your outside relationships, relationships with others, will automatically change too. They will come with much less effort!!

This is why the Relationship with Yourself is so important, it is the Foundation to everything!!

So many of us are stagnant in our relationships. You may feel deep inside that you may need something else or different but you have never really given a thought what kind of relationship would actually make you happy and secondly never dared to go for it.

We have inherited "relationship patterns" from our parents and their parents and ancestors... for centuries. So it has been copied from one generation to another and never really changed unless someone had questioned it and done something different... 

This is why we give you these questions to start this self-reflection process and map the road to better relationship with yourself(selves) and others. 

But as always - if you do not answer it - you will not activate and integrate the process. 

Mapping your relationship with yourself (selves) questionnaire: 

• Do you feel good about yourself? 
• Do you like the way you look? 
• Are you happy with your weight? 
• Do you value yourself enough? 
• Do you believe that you more than enough? 
• Do you often have like many inner voices pulling you in different directions? What do you do? Do you listen or just suppress them? 
• Are you afraid what others may think about you? 
• Are you afraid of public speaking? 
• Do you love yourself as you are? If not what would need to change?
• When you hear your inner intuition talking to you - do you listen right away? If not - why not? 
• When you feel creative do go with that energy and use it to create something? 
• Do you take action when you feel you need to? 
• Are you at times playful? If not why not? 
• Do you feel that you sometimes stop yourself to succeed? Why is that? Which parts of you do that? 
• Have you realized you have many self-saboteurs inside of you? 

Relationships with others questionnaire:

• Who has taught you about relationships? 
• What kind of relationship (s) are you dreaming about? 
• What relationship patterns (like if you a child of alcoholic parents - you have developed certain "survival patterns" on every level in your life - like emotionally, physically as well practically) did your family have? 
• If you have not - why not? 
• Have you heard of polyamory? What are your thoughts about that? 
• Have you heard about gay couples? Your thought about that? 
• Have you heard of bisexual people? What do you think of them? 
• Do you start to see how every person connects through the experiences and patterns they have learned or been cultivated in? What changes in your relationships when you see and acknowledge that? 
• What or who is holding you back from a dream relationship(s)?

These questions are a good start for you to start to look deeper into the matter of relationships. 

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